Oh no. This is the most appalling, vile, disgusting thing I have ever done. I…oh god I can’t say it. I flirted. With a guy. I guess that means I must be a whore. Oh man, what was I thinking, for saying he has nice eyes. What possessed me to openly admire his piercings and muscles. I should be ashamed. I am uncontrollable, a she-beast, a predatory creature. 

Meanwhile look at you, miss “I banged two guys in one night while my ass hangs from skinny jeans that are clearly too tight but oh well plumber’s crack and cameltoes are hot”. That’s right, bitch. If I’m a whore then that goes double for you.